There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
