my vag is so smooth its legendary
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
