the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
