i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
