my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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