atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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