4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
