My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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