C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
