im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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