Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
