I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
