I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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