alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
