Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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