Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
