There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
