i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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