and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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