I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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