I hate your face
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
