I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
