A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
NoShamevember. You game?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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