Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
