i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
