dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
