I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
