i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
