I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
