Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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