your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we're making bets on your personal life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
