The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
