I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
