apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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