I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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