if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
