Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Four minutes until I can fart!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
