he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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