it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
