I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
