I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
