There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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