That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
