why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
