dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.