is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
