nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
