whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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