She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
