she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
