did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
