I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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