That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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