She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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