My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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