does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
