I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
