trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
These tits shall not be calmed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
